The Scene: A little boy, maybe two years old, was throwing a bit of a temper tantrum in typical toddler fashion, nothing too out of the ordinary. Kai and I were playing just inches from him and his mom.
The Crime: His mother, after only one warning (of what I saw), laid him over her lap, pulled down his pants, and spanked his bare bottom.
The Judgement: At first, I tried to ignore what I had seen. In my head, I tried talking myself out of saying anything, almost trying to deny that it had happened. But, I had just days before finished reading the book, The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers, and could not get the author's words out of my head. She wrote of the detrimental harm that can be done to a child when hitting is used as a form of discipline, especially with a child of such a young age who does not have the capacity to understand it. Hitting only reinforces hitting. It teaches a child that violence is an acceptable way to deal with one's anger. A child who is hit (and spanking is a form of hitting) will often grow up to be a teenager who hits and bullies. The author also hinted a lot to the philosophy of "it takes a village to raise a child" and how its important that parents offer other parents help and advice when needed. I, too, believe in this, and so after hesitating for what felt like an eternity, I finally worked up the courage to say something. I really felt that it was my duty and obligation as a fellow mommy to offer this woman knowledge that she may not have been aware of. So, I said my piece, in the most gentle way possible and it went something like this: "Excuse me, Miss, I don't mean to interfere or offend you, but if you don't mind, I'd like to share some information with you which I just read in a book about raising toddlers.... The author mentions that spanking a young child lets him or her know that it is okay to hit since they are too young to really understand why they are being spanked and what the pain means... Instead, she suggests alternatives to hitting, such as removing the child from the activity until they have calmed down, or explaining to them why they can not behave this way.
The Result: This went over so much better than I ever could have imagined. The mother was very receptive and willing to listen to what I had to say. She did not act angry or offended as I initially thought she might. She even seemed appreciative for the information I had just given her. Even if she was just being polite and will continue to discipline in that manner, at least I left feeling like I had done my part in sharing priceless information instead of hoarding it for myself. And who knows, maybe her kids will no longer be spanked and she will discover a new way to discipline, and maybe, just maybe, she will even pass the info along to another parent. I think I was meant to be in that room at that time, and I definitely believe that it was better to say too much than nothing at all.
*Kai playing at the water tables in the children's museum. When we first came here a few months ago, he could barely reach up to the table and couldn't even peer over the side! Now, he reaches in and plays with ease!
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